A Little Pain to Soothe the Broken Hearted
by ncistony97
Summary: Set right after the episode " much too much". Alex is hurting and izzie won't even talk to him so he resorts to dealing with his pain in other ways.Warning contains cutting. don't like don't read.


**_Hi everybody! This is set back in season 2 soon after Izzie caught Alex sleeping with Olivia. I hope you enjoy it and please, please ,please tell me what you think. The good the bad it's all helpful so i'm begging you, REVIEW! _  
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**Alex's POV  
**I made a mistake.I knew it as soon as Izzie walked in on me and was a stupid mistake. I can't believe I let myself fall back into my old habits. Yeah, it was easy sleeping with Olivia but I wasn't happy, not really anyway. Just being with Izzie made me happy. How could I throw away my chance at happiness like that ?

Just as I start to wallow in self-pity I hear a knock at my door. I wipe away the few tears that manage to escape my eyes before calling  
"Come in." Meredith enters my room. She says " hey Alex were about to leave for girls night. You should come. You can grab a beer and maybe even enjoy yourself a little. You've been sitting up here sulking since we got home. If it bothers you this much just go talk to her..." I can't take anymore of her lecture. I jump up from my bed " I don't want to come!" Meredith looks hurt which is far from my intention " I'm sorry, I just needed to vent. You go have a good time I'll stay here and try to get some sleep. By the way, I have not been sulking I've been trying to relax, it's been a stressful day that's all." Meredith scoff "all right if you're sure you're going to be okay I'll let you rest." Meredith turned to leave as I call " goodnight Mer! Try not to get to drunk!" She laughs.

Just like that I was the only one home. Izzie was on-call tonight and Derek was hanging out with Mark and Mer usually doesn't come home from girls night till around three in the morning. Since it was only eleven I had four hours to myself. I really was tired so I climb into bed and try to sleep. I've always had trouble sleeping but tonight I just can't fall asleep. I rolled around trying to sleep for about an hour before giving up. I had to many things on my mind, to many emotions coursing through my veins at once. The only way I was ever going to get sleep tonight was if I could calm down enough to put my mind at ease.

I walked over to my closet and pull out an old shoe box from the top self. I set the shoe box down on my bed and took out the knife the box contained. The knife was beautiful, it had a stainless steel blade with a long polished black handle. Inscribed on the blade was the simple word " honor". The knife had been a present from my dad for my fifth birthday. He told me I was now a man and a man needed a blade. The day after he gave me that blade and told me I was a man he started beating me. He said if I was a man I had to act like a man and take it like a man too. That night had been the first of many times I use that blade to calm down enough to sleep. That's what I was going to have to do tonight.

By the time I finish examine my blade its twelve thirty, no problem there I'll be sleeping way before Mer gets home. I don't bother closing the bathroom door because I'm home alone. I sit on the edge of the bathtub and position the knife about six inches from my hand, then I make five gashes, not deep, just enough to draw some blood. I watch a blood oozes from the gashes. I take a deep breath and just watch as the blood creeps slowly down my arm, I only wipe it so it doesn't drip off my arm otherwise I Let it be and just watch. Four or five minutes pass before I was shocked out of my daze by the sound of the front door opening and closing.

I jump up and dash over to the sink. Thank god almost all the cuts have stopped bleeding, only the deepest cut was still bleeding. I finished washing the blood off my arm but I didn't have time to cover the deeper cut with a band-aid because Mer was coming up the stairs. I shoved the knife in my back pocket just before she rounded the corner and saw me.

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**Meredith's POV**

"Hey Alex." He yawn and nods his head at me before saying " I'm gonna crash Mer. See ya in the morning." He turn around to walk down the hall to his room and that's when I saw it. A fresh-cut on his arm just below an area covered by his hand, it wouldn't have been suspicious if it wasn't still bleeding and Alex didn't have the handle of a knife sticking out of his back pocket. I couldn't believe Alex would actually cut himself. I knew he had a really crappy childhood and it wouldn't surprise me if he cut as a kid , but now he's a doctor,he has friend that care about him. I'm not going to let Alex do this to himself.

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**The next day Alex's POV**  
I woke to my alarm going off. I was tired but not as tired as I would have been if I hadn't been able to sleep. I get out of bed hitting my alarm off as I go. I go over to my dresser and pull out a clean pair of boxers, socks, and an undershirt before going over to examine my closet. From my closet I chose a pair of well-worn jeans and a long sleeve grey thermal. I learned as a kid it's a lot easier to hide the cuts then try to come up with a lie as to why I have them.

When I finished getting dressed I went down stairs for was sitting at the table drinking coffee. She gave me a weird look when I joined her at the table. I didn't even feel hungry till I started to eat, as soon as the first spoonful hit my mouth I was starving. I devoured my cereal in about three minutes. When I put my bowl in the sink I looked up at the clock and realized that yet again we were running late. " hey Mer we've got to go we're running late ! We should've left five minutes ago . By the way, have I told you I hate mornings?"

When we get to work the locker room is empty. I wiggle out of my jeans and slip my scrub top over my thermal and finish tying my scrub pants closed. Meredith's not done changing so I quietly walk over to the full size Mirror hanging on the side of the lockers. I take my time making sure that I can move my arm freely without having to worry about someone seeing my cuts.

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**Izzie's POV**

I walk into the locker room to drop off my study sheets before round starts and all I see is Alex checking himself out in the mirror. The sight both attracts me and disgusts me. I force myself to ignore him and continue on with my business. As I drop my stuff in my locker I realize how much time I just wasted watching Alex stare at himself in the mirror. Rounds were going to start in three minutes and Meredith and Alex were going to be late if they didn't hurry. I didn't want Alex to think that I cared so I ignored him and said loud enough for him to hear " hey Mer you're gonna be late." Meredith looked at her watch, slammed her locker closed then raced out of the room quickly follow my me and Alex.

When we arrived Dr. Bailey was impatiently waiting for us. " Nice of you three to join us" she quipped. Rounds went by quickly, George and Christina each got a good case and me, Mer, and Alex got stuck doing paper work as a punishment for being late.

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**Meredith's POV**

It was late afternoon when I spotted Izzie charting at the nearby nurses station. I take a deep breath before I walk up to her and tell her " hey Iz, I need to talk to you." She looks up at me." What's up Mer?" I respond by pulling her into the nearest supply closet. Izzie gives me a look then asks " what's wrong?" I look her straight in the eyes and say " Alex is what's wrong. Have you seen him lately? He's miserable!"

Izzie is quiet for a second then shouts " yeah I've seen him and him being miserable had nothing to do with me, so lay off won't ya? And I thought you were my friend, I can't believe you're taking his side on this!" I look at the ground. This is going horribly wrong and I have to fix it fast before Izzie refuses to help me because if I confronted Alex about his cutting he would just get mad and ignore me anyway so what's the point in doing that?Alex would stop if Izzie asked him to. I pray that I'm right about Alex's willingness to please Izzie. I take a deep breath then look up at Izzie and say the simple sentence " Alex needs you."

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**Izzie's POV**

I'm shocked into silence by Meredith's words. When I can finally speak I retort "Alex doesn't need anyone. He never has and never will." Meredith shakes her head " you don't get it Iz, Alex is a mess without you. He freaked took a knife and used it to cut his own arm Iz. Alex needs help and you're probably the only person he'll listen to, so will you please talk to him?

" why would Alex listen to me ? He hates me!" Meredith sighed " Alex doesn't hate you. He doesn't know what he feels towards you and it scares him. I heard him last night he was crying in his sleep mumbling your name. Do you really think he would be crying in his sleep over someone who he hates?"

Meredith's words echo in my head. I can't imagine Alex crying, he just always seems so in control of his emotions. If he's crying in his sleep he does need help even if he doesn't know it yet.

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**Meredith's POV**  
I studied Izzie's face as I wait for her to respond. When her gaze finally met mine she said " thanks for telling me Mer." Izzie looked like she was going to cry so I patted her on the back and left her alone in the supply closet.

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**Izzie's POV**  
I'm glad Mer left me in the closet. I didn't want to cry In front of Mer and I think she knew that. I sat down leaning against the wall and let the tears fall. I've never really understood cutting, and I don't know how Alec can stand to cut. He lost his mom as a kid because he turned his back for a second to answer the phone and when he came back she had slit her wrist and was bleeding out. Alex did everything he could to save her but it was too late. Alex's tragic past and the fact that he's cutting himself is what worries me, I don't like to admit it but i don't what I'd do without Alex he's my person even if he doesn't like it.

I wipe my tears and check the time on my phone. It's almost five, we get out at six and we've all been banned from surgeries for the day so I'm guessing Alex is sleeping somewhere. He never sleeps much at night but he can fall asleep in minutes during the day.

I check every on-call room in the hospital and they're all empty. I decide I'm gonna checking one last place before I give up and try to corner him at home. The only problem with cornering him at home is he can go to his room and lock the door.

I should've checked here first apparently because Alex is passed out on the stretcher we always hangout on. I walk up to him and just watch him for a second. He seem to notice my presence and starts to stir.

**AN/what ya think? Should I continue? review but don't flame this is the first fanfic I've ever published **


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